7 Ways Disrespectful Wives Can Hinder Their Marriage

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what does the bible say about a disrespectful wife

Many people wonder what the Bible says about a disrespectful wife, but the deeper question is how Scripture guides us toward building healthy, respectful marriages where both partners thrive. As someone who has extensively studied biblical teachings on marriage, I’ve found that the ancient wisdom within these texts offers surprising insights about mutual honor, understanding, and growth between spouses.

This exploration will examine key biblical principles about addressing conflict in marriage, including understanding respect as a two-way commitment, the importance of gentle communication, how to handle disagreements with wisdom, and practical steps for rebuilding trust. By looking at these teachings in their proper context, we’ll discover timeless guidance for nurturing strong marriages.

Before we dive deeper, it’s worth noting that while certain biblical passages may seem harsh to modern readers, they must be understood within their historical context and overarching biblical themes of love, mutual submission, and treating all people with dignity as bearers of God’s image

1. A Contentious Spirit

Have you ever walked into a room where the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife? That’s exactly what Solomon had in mind when he wrote, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9). While this imagery might make us chuckle, it points to a serious issue that can plague marriages: a contentious spirit.

I remember counseling a couple where Sarah (name changed) couldn’t understand why her husband, John, seemed to withdraw more and more. As we dug deeper, a pattern emerged – every interaction had become a battlefield. Whether it was about loading the dishwasher or planning vacation dates, Sarah approached each conversation, ready for war. The Bible specifically addresses this in Proverbs 21:19, stating, “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”

But let’s be clear – this isn’t about suppressing disagreements. Rather, it’s about how we handle them. Proverbs 14:1 tells us “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” A contentious spirit goes beyond occasional disagreements; it’s a persistent pattern of creating conflict that slowly erodes the foundation of marriage.

Scripture offers practical guidance for overcoming a contentious spirit. Proverbs 15:18 reminds us that “a hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” This means taking a step back when emotions run high, choosing peace over being right, and addressing issues with grace rather than hostility.

2. Lack of Submission in Marriage

“But that’s so outdated!” This was Maria’s first response when we discussed biblical submission in marriage during a counseling session. And honestly, I get it. In our modern world, the very word “submission” often raises eyebrows and hackles. Yet, the biblical concept of submission is far more nuanced and beautiful than many realize.

Ephesians 5:22-24 states, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” However, this passage doesn’t exist in isolation. Just a verse earlier, Ephesians 5:21 commands all believers to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This sets the context for mutual respect and consideration.

The Greek word for submission used here, “hupotasso,” was a military term meaning to arrange troops under the command of a leader. In marriage, it’s about order and unity, not oppression. Think of a dance – both partners move in harmony, but typically one leads while the other follows. Neither role is less important; they’re just different.

What does this look like practically? It means supporting your husband’s leadership while offering your wisdom and perspective. Colossians 3:18 puts it this way: “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Note the qualifier – “as is fitting in the Lord.” This means submission never requires you to violate your conscience or God’s commands.

3. Using Harsh Words

“I didn’t mean it.” These words echoed in Rachel’s mind as she watched her husband silently walk away after she’d unleashed a tirade of angry words during their argument about finances. The damage was done, and she knew it. The Bible wasn’t exaggerating when James 3:5 compared the tongue to a small spark that can set a great forest on fire.

Proverbs 15:1 offers this timeless wisdom: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Think about that for a moment. Our words have the power to either diffuse tension or detonate it. In marriage, harsh words act like acid, corroding the bonds of trust and intimacy that hold couples together.

The Scriptures provide numerous warnings about the power of our words. Proverbs 12:18 tells us, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Every wife has a choice – will her words be weapons that wound or balm that heals? Even when addressing legitimate concerns, the manner of our communication matters deeply.

Consider this practical application: instead of saying, “You never help around the house!” (harsh, accusatory), try “I feel overwhelmed with the housework. Could we figure out a way to share these responsibilities?” (gentle, solution-focused). Ephesians 4:29 guides us to speak “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.”

4. Undermining Leadership

Have you ever watched a rowing team where one rower persistently pulls in the opposite direction? That’s what undermining leadership looks like in marriage. As I sat with Lisa during a counseling session, tears streamed down her face as she realized how her constant second-guessing and public criticism of her husband’s decisions had slowly eroded his confidence and their marriage’s unity.

The Bible speaks to this in 1 Peter 3:1-2: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” This isn’t about blind obedience but rather about supporting and respecting your husband’s role while maintaining your own voice and wisdom.

Consider Sarah in Genesis, who followed Abraham’s leadership even in difficult circumstances. Yet, God also heard her concerns and spoke to Abraham about them (Genesis 21:12). This shows us that supporting leadership doesn’t mean silencing your voice – it’s about how and when you express your thoughts. Think of marriage like a team sport where both players have crucial roles but must work in harmony.

5. Disregard for Biblical Wisdom

“I know what the Bible says, but…” These words often precede choices that lead down difficult paths. Take Rebecca’s story – she prided herself on being a modern, independent woman and dismissed biblical principles about marriage as outdated. Yet, she found herself struggling with a deteriorating relationship despite her “enlightened” approach.

Proverbs 14:1 provides this insight: “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Biblical wisdom isn’t meant to restrict us but to protect and guide us toward flourishing relationships. When we disregard these principles, we often learn their value the hard way.

The Bible isn’t just a collection of arbitrary rules; it’s filled with time-tested wisdom about human nature and relationships. Proverbs 31:26 describes an admirable wife: “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” This woman values and applies godly wisdom in her daily life and relationships.

6. Public Disrespect

Picture this: You’re at a dinner party, and someone makes a cutting remark about their spouse, drawing uncomfortable laughter from the crowd. We’ve all witnessed these moments, haven’t we? Mary didn’t realize the impact of her casual jokes about her husband’s shortcomings until their counselor pointed out how these public jabs were destroying their intimacy.

Ephesians 4:29 provides clear guidance: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” This principle becomes especially crucial in public settings. When we disrespect our spouses in front of others, we’re not just having a momentary lapse – we’re undermining the foundation of trust in our marriage.

The Bible emphasizes the importance of honor in marriage. 1 Peter 3:7 speaks about husbands honoring their wives, and this principle applies both ways. Proverbs 31:23,28 describes how a wife’s actions can enhance her husband’s reputation: “Her husband is respected at the city gate… her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”

7. Unforgiving Attitude

The coffee mug shattered against the wall – not from being thrown, but from Beth’s grip tightening as she recalled her husband’s past mistake. Even though he had repented and changed, she couldn’t let go of the hurt. Unforgiveness had become her constant companion, poisoning every interaction with bitterness.

Colossians 3:13 addresses this directly: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The standard for forgiveness isn’t our feelings or even the other person’s deservingness – it’s Christ’s forgiveness of us.

Jesus emphasized this in Matthew 18:21-22 when Peter asked about forgiveness limits. The response was clear – forgiveness should be unlimited. This doesn’t mean instantly forgetting or ignoring genuine issues that need addressing. Rather, it’s about choosing to release the right to punish or hold past wrongs over your spouse’s head.

Practical steps toward forgiveness might include acknowledging the hurt, expressing it appropriately, seeking counseling if needed, and making a conscious choice to move forward. Ephesians 4:31-32 provides guidance: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Conclusion

Building a marriage marked by mutual respect requires patience, wisdom, and commitment from both spouses. While biblical teachings provide valuable guidance, they must be applied with grace, understanding, and recognition of each relationship’s unique dynamics. The goal isn’t perfection but rather growing together in love and understanding.