How to Build a Godly Relationship Before Marriage

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Have you ever wondered how to build a Godly relationship before marriage in a world where casual dating and hookup culture seem to dominate? I remember sitting in my college dorm room, watching my roommate bounce from one relationship to another while I struggled with the desire to date differently – to build something meaningful that would honor God and last beyond the Friday night lights.

Let me share something real with you. Building a Christ-centered relationship isn’t like following a recipe where you simply mix the right ingredients and pop it in the oven. It’s more like learning to dance – there are steps to follow, yes, but it also requires rhythm, patience, and two people willing to move together in harmony. Through this guide, we’ll explore crucial elements like deepening your individual walk with God, setting healthy boundaries (yes, even when it’s uncomfortable!), and learning to communicate with both grace and honesty.

You know what amazes me? So many of us spend more time planning our next vacation than preparing for one of life’s most important relationships. Whether you’re currently dating someone special or praying for your future spouse, these seven God-centered principles will help you navigate this beautiful, sometimes challenging journey. I’ve walked this path before – made mistakes, learned valuable lessons, and seen firsthand how following God’s blueprint for relationships can transform dating from a nerve-wracking experience into a beautiful season of growth and discovery.

1. Prioritize Your Individual Walk with God First

I’ll never forget the advice my mentor gave me during my college years. While I was eagerly searching for “the one,” she gently pulled me aside and said, “Your love story needs to begin with a party of two – just you and God.” At first, I felt slightly offended. Wasn’t I spiritual enough already? But her wisdom would later prove invaluable.

You see, learning how to build a Godly relationship before marriage starts with an intimate personal relationship with God. Think about it like this: imagine trying to teach someone to dance when you’ve never learned the steps yourself. Sounds challenging, right? That’s exactly what we do when we pursue a relationship without first cultivating our own spiritual foundation.

Matthew 6:33 reminds us to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” This isn’t just a nice Bible verse to quote; it’s a life-changing principle. When I finally took this seriously, I began spending dedicated time in prayer each morning, not just rushing through a quick devotional between classes. I started journaling my spiritual journey, wrestling with Scripture, and actually listening during sermon times instead of scrolling through my phone.

Remember the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42? While Martha was distracted with much serving, Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet. Like Mary, we need to prioritize that intimate time with God. This means developing spiritual disciplines that stick – regular prayer, Bible study, worship, and quiet time with God. It’s about building habits that remain even when feelings fluctuate.

2. Set Clear Physical and Emotional Boundaries

Let’s get real for a moment. Setting boundaries isn’t exactly the most exciting part of dating, but it’s crucial when you’re focusing on how to build a Godly relationship before marriage. I learned this lesson the hard way during my first serious relationship. We started with good intentions but never clearly defined our boundaries. Before we knew it, we were spending every free moment together, making decisions based on emotions rather than wisdom.

The Bible speaks clearly about purity in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” But boundaries go beyond just physical limits. They protect your heart, mind, and spirit too.

Consider creating what I call a “boundary blueprint” – written guidelines that both partners agree upon. This might include:

– Physical boundaries (appropriate touching, avoiding situations that could lead to temptation)

– Emotional boundaries (maintaining individual friendships, limiting excessive texting)

– Time boundaries (designated date nights, respecting family time)

– Spiritual boundaries (keeping God at the center, not replacing church with dating)

Song of Solomon 2:7 warns us not to “awaken love before its time.” This means being intentional about guarding your heart and honoring God’s timing. When my current relationship began, we sat down with our pastor and created clear boundaries. Yes, it felt awkward initially, but having these guidelines has protected our relationship and helped us grow stronger in our faith.

3. Practice Radical Honesty and Communication

Walking into our small group that evening, I was terrified. My boyfriend (now fiancé) and I had agreed to share our testimonies, including our past struggles and failures. As we discovered more about how to build a Godly relationship before marriage, we realized that authentic communication wasn’t just about sharing the pretty parts of our lives.

Ephesians 4:25 tells us to “put away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor.” In a dating relationship, this means being transparent about everything – your past, your struggles, your fears, and your dreams. It’s about creating a safe space where both partners can be vulnerable without fear of judgment.

I remember the day we had our first real conflict. Instead of avoiding the issue or pretending everything was fine (my usual go-to response), we sat down and practiced what we call “holy honesty.” This meant:

– Sharing our feelings without accusation

– Listening without interrupting

– Acknowledging our own faults first

– Seeking God’s wisdom together

– Praying before, during, and after difficult conversations

Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Being radically honest might feel scary at first, but it builds trust and intimacy in a way that surface-level communication never can. We’ve made it a practice to have weekly “heart checks” where we discuss our spiritual growth, challenges, and how we can better support each other in our walk with God.

Remember, honest communication isn’t about being harsh or brutally honest. Instead, as Ephesians 4:15 guides us, it’s about “speaking the truth in love.” This means being both truthful and tender, direct and gentle, honest and kind.

4. Seek Wisdom from Spiritual Mentors

“You two need to meet with us every month,” said Pastor James, his voice firm but kind. My boyfriend and I exchanged nervous glances, unsure about this level of accountability. Looking back now, that requirement became one of the greatest blessings in our relationship journey.

Understanding how to build a Godly relationship before marriage becomes clearer when you have experienced guides walking alongside you. Proverbs 15:22 wisely states, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” It’s like having a GPS for your relationship journey – someone who’s already navigated the route and can warn you about potential pitfalls.

Our monthly meetings with Pastor James and his wife Sarah weren’t always comfortable. They asked tough questions about our spiritual growth, physical boundaries, and future plans. Sometimes they shared stories from their own dating years – both the victories and the mistakes. Through their guidance, we learned to see our relationship through more mature eyes.

Proverbs 13:20 reminds us that “whoever walks with the wise becomes wise.” When choosing mentors, look for couples who:

– Have a strong, Christ-centered marriage

– Are willing to be transparent about their own journey

– Will hold you accountable with love

– Can provide biblical counsel during challenges

– Pray consistently for your relationship

5. Grow in Faith Together

The coffee shop became our Tuesday evening sanctuary. With Bibles open and journals ready, we’d spend these precious hours diving into God’s Word together. It wasn’t always this way, though. Our first attempt at couples’ devotions felt awkward and forced – neither of us wanting to appear less spiritual than the other.

When thinking about how to build a Godly relationship before marriage, spiritual growth as a couple might seem obvious, but it requires intentional effort. 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us about being “unequally yoked,” and we’ve discovered that growing together in faith helps ensure we’re moving in the same spiritual direction.

We started small:

– Reading one chapter of Proverbs daily and sharing our insights

– Praying together before dates (yes, it felt awkward at first!)

– Attending Bible study groups together

– Serving in ministry side by side

Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” When God is actively involved in your relationship, it creates a stronger bond than you could ever forge on your own. I remember the first time we served together at our church’s food bank. Watching my partner show Christ’s love to others made me fall in love with both God and him even more deeply.

6. Maintain Healthy Community Involvement

The temptation to become an island was real. When Jason and I first started dating, we wanted to spend every free moment together. Our friends even gave us the nickname “the disappearing duo” because we’d vanish from social gatherings early or skip them entirely. It took a gentle confrontation from my small group leader to help us realize we were building an unhealthy pattern.

The journey of how to build a Godly relationship before marriage isn’t meant to be walked alone. Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together.” This scripture isn’t just about church attendance – it’s about maintaining meaningful connections with the body of Christ.

We made some intentional changes:

– Committed to separate friend groups and activities

– Stayed involved in our individual small groups

– Made time for family dinners and events

– Continued serving in different ministry areas

Acts 2:42 describes the early church “devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship.” Following this example, we learned to balance our time together with community involvement. Now, our date nights sometimes include game nights with other couples, serving together at church events, or hosting Bible studies in our homes.

7. Focus on Character Development

“I don’t like who I become when I’m trying to impress you,” I confessed one evening during our weekly walk. This honest admission sparked one of the most transformative conversations in our relationship. We realized we’d been focusing more on being the “perfect” partner rather than becoming more like Christ.

When considering how to build a Godly relationship before marriage, character development should be at the forefront. 2 Peter 1:5-7 outlines this beautiful progression: “Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.”

We started focusing on:

– Individual spiritual growth and accountability

– Honest self-reflection and improvement

– Supporting each other’s growth without enabling weaknesses

– Celebrating character victories more than external achievements

Galatians 5:22-23 describes the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” These became our relationship goals, replacing superficial markers of success. Instead of asking “Are we having fun?” we began asking “Are we becoming more Christ-like?”

The beautiful thing about focusing on character is that it transforms both individuals and the relationship. As we’ve grown in these areas, our relationship has deepened in ways we never expected. We’re not just becoming better partners – we’re becoming better disciples of Christ.

Conclusion

Perhaps you’re just starting your dating journey, or maybe you’re several months into a relationship wondering if you’re on the right track. Wherever you find yourself, remember that it’s never too late to implement these principles. Building a Godly relationship isn’t about perfection – it’s about progression. It’s about two people committed to growing closer to God while growing closer to each other.

A final word of encouragement: don’t rush this season. Just as a farmer can’t force a seed to grow faster by pulling on the sprout, you can’t rush God’s timing in your relationship. Instead, focus on cultivating the right environment for growth through prayer, wisdom, and faithful obedience. Trust that as you honor God in your relationship, He will honor your commitment to build something beautiful and lasting.

Take these principles, adapt them to your unique situation, and watch as God works in and through your relationship. After all, your love story isn’t just about you and your partner – it’s about reflecting Christ’s love to a world that desperately needs to see it.