Why God Asked Me To Leave My Unequally Yoked Relationship

In this post I will cover what you should do if you’ve found yourself in the midst of an unequally yoked relationship, why you can’t change this person, and what God is doing in your life. 

My story of being unequally yoked:

When I first came to know Christ, I was in an unequally yoked relationship. I had been dating my boyfriend for a year before his mother suggested we should attend a bible study together. We agreed and started meeting with a lovely Christian couple that my boyfriend’s family knew when he was growing up.

At that time, both my partner and I “believed in God” and knew there was a higher power…but neither one of us had any clue what it meant to be a true Christian. He grew up going to church with his parents but never established a healthy fear of God. And I had a very shallow understanding of what it meant to have a true relationship with Jesus. 

I had picked up a Bible a few times in my life, but always ended up closing it, feeling intimidated and discouraged by my inability to perceive the text. 

But this time was different.  For the first time in my life, I was truly seeking God’s wisdom. 

It didn’t take long before God began putting me through the uncomfortable yet necessary process of conviction and refinement.  I began to see just how sinfully I was living and how much I needed to quit, leave behind, change, and move past in order to be in right standing with God. I was amazed and frightened at the same time. Eager to make changes to experience God with a clear conscience, now knowing Jesus was the truth. 

I was certain my partner would be experiencing the same convictions as me…but he wasn’t. 

Although he was willing to attend the study, he wasn’t willing to spend time reading God’s word on his own… He didn’t want to discuss how the truths were going to affect our relationship…He didn’t get it. 

I didn’t let it phase me too much at first until the ladies at my Bible study began to explain to me the consequences of being in an unequally yoked relationship. They told me that staying in a relationship that was founded on gratifying fleshly desires and not putting God at the center was sinful. I couldn’t get right with God if I stayed because my partner was unwilling to walk the narrow path with me. 

But I loved him so much and didn’t want to accept that following God meant I needed to make a decision. 

So I stayed with him…for a while. I kept praying that things would change with my partner… That he would come to the same conclusion as me that God needed to be priority #1 in our lives.

I tried reading the bible with him, sending him sermons, talking about what God was teaching me in my own life, and posting bible verses around the apartment. Nothing worked.

As time wore on, I found myself in the in-between place where I had one foot in the world and one foot in my faith. I could no longer enjoy sin like I once did because God was showing me the truth. But more than anything I was heartbroken because I wanted to experience the peace and love of God with my partner. 

I knew the relationship was doomed as long as we weren’t on the same page about God. 

And God was telling me it was time to go. So I finally left. 

Although it was the most painful breakup of my life…I have never experienced more joy than getting to follow God with all my heart, mind, body, and soul.  

This post is about lessons I learned through this experience, and I pray it will be a blessing to you.🤍

What does the bible say about unequally yoked relationships?

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you

-2 Corinthians 6:14:17

I was in my women’s bible study the first time I heard this verse. They all knew about the state of my relationship with my then-boyfriend and lovingly explained to me that If I wanted to be right with God, my relationship was a definite problem. 

Being equally yoked refers to the image of two oxen being fastened together with a wooden bar. Equally pulling, and headed in the same direction. When one ox is weaker, it prevents the stronger ox from moving forward effectively.

So being in an unequally yoked relationship essentially means you’re matched up with someone who does not contain the same love and desire to live for Christ as you. 

You’re headed in different directions spiritually.

In this verse, Apostle Paul is effectively telling us that Christians cannot be teamed up with people who don’t revere God in the same way. He’s telling us to leave. 

Why?

Because remaining in close contact with these people will keep us in sin. And since God has shown us the truth, we have a responsibility to follow it. 

If we choose to stay, we’re making an idol out of the relationship and not prioritizing our relationship with God as we need to. 

Why it isn’t going to work

If God has a calling on your life, trust me, He isn’t going to allow your unequally yoked relationship to work. He won’t allow you to have peace because deep down you know you’re operating outside of His will. 

As you get closer to God, you realize that you need more than what you once required from former worldly relationships. And if you stay with someone who’s unequally yoked, you will not receive the spiritual fulfillment your heart desires. 

You WILL feel alone and distraught that you can’t share the most important aspect of your life with the person you love. And you will find less and less common ground. 

You’ll start to desire for your partner to love you like Christ loves the church. And your unequally yoked partner will not be able to give you this kind of love unless he knows Jesus personally. 

This is because God is the true definition of true love. Those who don’t know God cannot properly give love. 

This is what makes the process of conviction and refinement so difficult. God requires you to make choices that the majority of your loved ones will not understand. 

God requires a clean break with the world in every area of life because you cannot mindfully follow Christ with one foot still in the world.  And because your partner does not have the spiritual maturity to understand your convictions, they will continue to lead you into sin. 

If you have that convicting feeling in your heart knowing you have to leave to be obedient to God, don’t ignore it because it is God calling you to higher places.

Why you can’t change them

All in all, it probably took me two years to leave my unequally yoked partner, and this was after a child.

I remember telling myself that somehow, some way he would come around. If not for me, for our daughter. But nothing changed, in fact, things got worse and worse until I finally gave in and let God take the reins of my life. 

God was showing me the hard way that he wasn’t for me to fix. And if it ever was going to happen, it was between my ex and God. 

This is because developing a personal relationship with God is just that, personal. God draws each of us to Him in His own way, and then it’s up to the heart of each individual to choose to humbly accept Him or not. 

This is the the reason why God gave us free will in the first place, because he wanted us to choose to love Him.  Love is a choice. 

How to surrender your partner to God

Relinquishing my grasp on my ex was the hardest part of this whole situation for me me, because I knew I would miss him.

I was dealing with a mess of emotions between worrying for his soul (because I knew he was living in direct disobedience to God), and no longer being able to talk to him and hold him. I knew I was going to miss my best friend.

But God reminded me of something vital. As much as I loved this person, God loved him even more. 

Every person’s relationship with God depends on the posture of their heart, and until they’re humble enough to realize they need help, they will be set in their own way. 

I knew that If I didn’t leave, we both would have been on a path to destruction.

So I did the only thing I knew I could do for my ex. 

I prayed for him. 

I frequently poured my heart out to God over this man, asking Him to give him the humility and wisdom he needed to seek a relationship with Christ, and that God’s will for his life would play out accordingly. 

God needed me to surrender him into His hands, and I needed to have the faith to trust Him.

One thing is for sure though, if you and this person are meant to be together…Nothing will be able to stop it from happening.

God will need to heal them in His own time, and return them to you when they have proper reverence for Him. You can’t force it to happen.

Only God knows His plans for this person, and He asks us to have faith in Him one day at a time. Don’t allow yourself to anxiously ruminate about the future, because that isn’t operating in faith. 

But if God is saving you FROM this person, one day you will look back and be thankful He did. 

Because God will be clearing the way for the right person to come into your life to give you the godly love you deserve. 

God has a future husband or wife in mind for you who will love you more than you could ever imagine! Whether it’s this person or not. 

God’s plan for you

So what do you do when you leave?

You run straight into God’s arms. You spend your time seeking Him through the word of God, through prayer, and living intentionally for Him. 

I promise that you will experience a certain peace and freedom that you’ve never experienced before because you chose to be obedient to God. And God will give you comfort through the Holy Spirit that you didn’t even know was possible. 

You’ll be able to walk confidently knowing that God has good plans for you regardless of the heartbreak you’re enduring because He’s made you that promise. God will begin to show you the greater purpose behind this heartbreak, and why He needed you to leave.

I know it’s so painful to leave someone you love, but in this kind of circumstance, it’s the only way to get to experience the plan God has for you. 

Some people aren’t meant to enter into certain seasons with us, and we need to be okay with that. 

So live one day at a time, allowing yourself to heal, and having confidence that God is always up to something. He wouldn’t have asked you to leave this person if He didn’t have a better plan for you!

In my situation, I began to discover who I was in Christ and God was prompting me to do things I NEVER would have been able to do had I remained in my unequally yoked relationship. 

I started my Christian blogging business, I’m started writing songs again, and God gave me the idea for the cutest little flower seed bible tracts.

I am happier than I’ve ever been living intentionally for God, and I’m at peace knowing I don’t have to live under the stresses of conviction any longer. 

Unequally yoked marriage

A word for those in an unequally yoked marriage relationship.

Disclaimer: I have never been married and I’m not claiming to know what it’s like, but the Bible has something to say about this exact situation!

And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean, but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

1 Corinthians 7:13-7:16

A believing man or woman can change the tides of their marriage with their faith and here’s why: 

God may have a plan to bring your spouse to Christ through the demonstration of your faith. 

I have heard many beautiful testimonies about one spouse having the faith that God would open the heart of the unbelieving spouse, but it took struggle, persistence, and lots of prayer!

The best way to show your spouse the light of God is to show how joyful you are living for your Lord God.   Let them see the change in you, and pray it piques their curiosity about what’s changed in your heart. Make them so curious about Jesus that they want to get to know Him for themselves!

Final thoughts:

Jesus Christ is the single greatest gift we could EVER be given, but it doesn’t come without all kinds of pain. 

Leaving an unequally yoked relationship won’t be easy but I swear to you that living for God is worth it!  God will give you the genuine love your soul is longing for and you will experience life to its fullest when walking in His will for your life!

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6 Signs God Is Trying To Remove Someone From Your Life

35 Healing Bible Verses On The Power Of Forgiveness

What is God’s Purpose for my Life? How to Walk in God’s Plan Everyday